For many parents preparing for divorce, the impact on their relationship with their children is their biggest concern. They worry that the children may grow to resent them for choosing to divorce or contributing to a spouse’s decision to file.
Others may worry that their co-parents could intentionally try to damage their connection with their children out of spite. The family courts generally do their best to preserve parental relationships and prioritize what is best for the children. Parents can usually obtain a reasonable share of both overnight parenting time and decision-making authority. Simply having a custody order allocating parental rights and responsibilities is not guarantee that the parent-child relationship remains stable and positive.
How can parents cultivate a healthy bond when they no longer see their children every day post-divorce?
By keeping things positive
Divorce is a difficult time for everyone in the family, and parents may let their emotions get the better of them. Sometimes, they lash out at their children or slump into a depressive funk. While it is natural to have intense negative emotions, parents need to find healthy outlets so that they can be positive and focused on the children during their parenting time. Making a point to avoid bad-mouthing the other parent is often of the utmost importance for preserving a good bond with the children, who may struggle when exposed to intense negativity from their parents.
By creating opportunities for fun
Parents don’t have to spend thousands of dollars on trips or video game systems to have fun with their children. Instead, they need to focus on finding regular activities that they can enjoy with their children. Those activities can be as simple as trips to the beach in the summer, hikes at local parks and regular board game time. Even reading or enjoying music together can provide a bonding opportunity. Parents should build on what their children already love and try to find common ground so that they share hobbies and passions.
By providing emotional support
Just shielding the children from negativity isn’t enough. Parents also need to be there for them as they go through their feelings about the divorce. They may also have their own struggles related to school, sports, first jobs and friendships. Parents need to try to provide their children with a safe space where they can communicate their concerns and fears. Even though parents can’t necessarily fix those issues or may not have answers for them, they can listen actively and give their children the empathy they require.
Focusing on connecting with children and finding ways to support them while ensuring that they don’t feel compelled to play a supportive role for their parents can all be beneficial. With the right approach, parents with shared custody arrangements can maintain or even improve their connection with their children post-divorce.